Feel. Deal. Heal.

I was in the midst of a very difficult time living in Los Angeles which left me feeling like many of my dreams had been taken away. It was as if the ground had opened up and had stolen so many things that I had worked so hard for. I lost a good-paying job, a long-term relationship, a new home I created with my ex and I felt my hope slipping away. It was nearly impossible for me not to focus on what was gone. I felt I had little to look forward to. I started to feel myself slipping down onto the broken pieces of my life.

Trying not to fall further down, I reached for people, experiences and things that I thought would make me feel better but I was wasn’t choosing wisely. I spent several weeks like this, running toward distractions and anything to keep myself from dealing with my pain. I filled my life with so much junk, entertainment and too much company. None of it felt fulfilling.  Just a temporary way of occupying my mind. I’m not proud of this time in my life or the bad decisions during this period of time. I have apologized to those I hurt unintentionally by seeming emotionally available and for my obnoxious behavior… I cringe just thinking about it because it’s not at all like the man I aspire and I’m working to become.

I had been running ragged, not sleeping well at all. Filled with anxiety and feeling stuck in my life. I kept filling my mind with distractions. I’m sure you can already guess that this didn’t go on very long before I felt like I would implode. I was experiencing panic attacks and I was completely exhausted — emotionally, physically and spiritually. When this happens we are deeply in need rest when or we will break, and then be forced to take a break. Mine came when I got sick during this chaotic time.

Instinctually, I knew this was exactly what needed to happen for me to deal with my life. So on some level, I felt very at peace with what was happening and didn’t resist it. I’m not sure if it was the flu or some other similar “bug”, but it forced me to be still. My body ached, I went back and forth between chills and fevers and spent a week in bed. I was forced to lay in that bed thinking about everything that had happened to get me there. As the expression goes, I made my bed and now I was laying in it. I wasn’t mad and knew I had gotten myself here by reacting the way I had. There was no one to blame but me. I laid there during the day alone accepting my current state, I started noticing simple things again like the rays of sun beaming through the window. I embraced the way my body felt as I adjusted to get more comfortable and curled up with my blanket. Everything seemed so simple again. I focused only on healing, not just from the sickness in my body but also the hurt in my heart.

As far as pain goes—You have to feel it, then deal with it, so you can heal it.


FEEL- I cried (a real aggressive cry) for the first time in a very long time. Later, I wrote out and talked about how I was feeling, openly with those closest to me.

DEAL- I realized that I needed to surround myself with people, things and situations that would be good for me on all levels. I needed to get rid of the distractions that kept me from growing and moving forward. I made a plan for myself which included coining the term Soul Goals and then setting my own.

HEAL- Naturally, you will feel much better after you’ve let the emotions out and figure out a plan moving forward. Then your healing can help others as you share the experiences you’ve gone through to help them overcome their challenges. Then, it comes full circle.

If you are running from your problems or pushing them aside, feel and deal with them now. You can start to feel better and heal from the pain before it grows into something overwhelming.

Some rules I made for myself that have been helpful:

Keep an uplifting group of friends who want you to succeed: My circle of people shrunk considerably. Having deep, personal connections is much more important to me than having many meaningless ones. I learned to trust my intuition with both people and situations, and it has helped me a lot. Intuition gets stronger the more you listen to it and can help guide you where you want to be.

Surround yourself with things that make you feel good: Everything is made up of energy that we can feel if we get in tune with it. Movies, music, things in your home, what we wear, even the color you paint your room. Notice how things and places make you feel.  Hear what your spirit is telling you.

Move away from anything that makes you feel bad: From social media to news, some things stress us out and we need breaks from time to time. The news was something I had to distance myself from.  I still stay informed, but I don’t watch it as much because I found it to be so negative. I also took a break from social media and wrote about it.  You can read about it here: “I’m thankful I was hacked”.

Meditate: I know I mention it quite a bit, but quiet time can really help you heal. Many times, the answers will come to you from a quiet place. Take the time to get in tune with yourself.

Ask yourself “how am I feeling?”: Assess what’s going on in your life. Handle the stress that rises up as it comes so it doesn’t turn into a heap of problems that feels overwhelming.

Only follow people who post uplifting content: This made a world of difference for me and I enjoy doing the same on my page – @Kaden

I encourage anyone having a difficult time addressing their pain to seek help, talk to a loved one or a therapist and work to heal yourself from the inside out.

Remember: Feel. Deal. Heal.


Kaden JamesComment